this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
