i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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