A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
