I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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