What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Your dad touched me again.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
