Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
