broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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