I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
