I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
