We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Michael Bay diarrhea
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
