No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
