i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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