Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
