got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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