3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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