Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
