I need to stop coming to work sober
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
