I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
