is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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