Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
