How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
