he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
