Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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