there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
