People in love make me want to vomit
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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