If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
