I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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