You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
