I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
