you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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