I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
