I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
