last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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