God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
