I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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