I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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