I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
