His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Is Oprah even human
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
