i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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