He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
