I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize