you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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