Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
