if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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