my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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