I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize