tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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