Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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