I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
