Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize