i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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