Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
