That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
