What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
