i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
