He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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