i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
