I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
