I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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