apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
