also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
