I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
