I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
