Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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