One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize