There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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