I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
