my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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