on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
