I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
So squirting runs in the family.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
